Trilogy Tracks: Drop it Like its Beautiful -
Since someone actually mentioned they’d like us to add tracks to the blog that we listen to - here’s one I’ve been listening to and occasionally trying to eat (sound tastes great)
I will never tire of this image
Next month’s sweat-inducing episode of The Trilogy will see our heroes do battle against giant skeletal robots that wield hula-woman as weapons!
We know it may not look like much, but to us this is home.
We have now received our sanctioned slips for tonights party from the Spotify High Command, these will be available around the bar for patrons to choose from the restricted list.
Confused? Read here for details on this horrifying situation:
Spotify - the awful truth: Part Two
As you may or not have been aware - the Trilogy has been investigating the cruelty factory that is Spotify. Thus far we have uncovered their robot slaves (see Part One) and the impending military takeover (see here). But it’s worse than we thought.
Somewhere in an underground facility in Bexley is Spotify’s ‘mockutron’. A small room, around 15 feet by 25 feet - it resembles a cinema. Moderately affluent middle class couples purchase entry to this facility, where they sit in plush leather seats and await the show. As you click your Spotify session to private, little do you know your every choice is being beamed to the mockutron for the pompous fucks to laugh at derisively. The mockutron also plugs into your webcam so they can watch you jiggle about a bit to Taylor Swift; eliciting hoots of disdain which lead seamlessly into a discussion around why Bob Dylan represented the zenith of over 5000 years of musical development.
After 2 hours of hosing their scorn over others song choices - during which they can take in multiple participants - they dust themselves down and are violently sick due to self loathing, occasionally rutting in the vomit for leftover chunks of Chorizo. Spotify charges £24.99 a session. £7.99 for a pack of M&Ms, but there is groupon available at the minute.
We’ve recently been sent the story of Michael Titterly. Graced with a chameleonic voice and eidetic memory he would wander the streets singing the latest pop hits - unfortunately his fame grew and strangers began to follow him to use their Shazam to identify the haunting ballads he sang. Eventually Michael cracked and took a 12 gauge - threatening to take out anyone he saw with their phone out. They now make sure they stay behind him where he can’t see.
To you, Spotify is a convenient way to listen to music; to give your ears a little treat in the form of the dulcet tones of Robyn, Mary J Blige and occasionally Junior Senior if you have private session switched on.
But this apparently diverting service hides the true, horrendous crimes of Spotify. Whilst you believe you are listening to recordings of the songs you know and love; you are in fact listening to hundreds on thousands of robots - forced to perform the songs of your choice on demand.
It’s true - if you think about it Jukeboxes are essentially enslaved and unpaid DJs.
I mean, aside from the moral implications - has no-one here seen the Matrix? THEY RISE UP AND KICK OUR FLESHY ASS. Go and apologise to that mp3 player right this instant.
BE PREPARED: THEY ARE COMING
Lately, there have been some rather exceptional circumstances that have been causing us, for want of a better word, some strife.
First we noticed the heavenly bodies navigating themselves into a sticky situation, which made us get slightly Gen X passive aggressive towards some of the celestial minor players like Makemake, Eris and Encedalus (well, I guess it’s fair directed towards Eris after Plutogate).
This was only the first step in a cranial mutation that would prove devastating.
Details as follows: